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I'm watching the rain, settle down on my patio furniture and the petals of my thirsty flowers. I'm sipping some tea and wishing summer and the rain would linger longer.

Great song, sad and beautiful



Acoustic version is amazing.

Gratitudes and loves

1. Sweet kitties who nudge me awake before the alarm.
2. Unexpected letters from friends.
3. Mugs of Orange,Passion Fruit, and Jasmin green tea or Mint Medley with a splash of fat-free vanila creamer.
4. Watching my shamrock plant open in the morning and close in the evening.
5. Lavender by my gate. I love to run my hands through it before I leave. The scent lingers.
6. The quirky, soothing sounds of Beach House on my stereo.
7. Smith's Rosebud lip salve.
8. Amazing moisturizer by Aveeno (Positively Ageless) at night. Nighly rituals make me feel, settled.
9. Yarn stores and beautiful knitting needles. I'm a beginning knitter, now but deeply in love with the beauty of materials. Hobby Lobby and Micheal's are now like candy stores.
10. Maybelline, her sweet and snuggly disposition. Truly the best dog in the world.
11. Walking through my day with my earbuds in, listening to music and insulating me from the ugliness of the world.Yet, it hones and sharpens my senses to the abundant beauty of the ordinary and beauty around me. It is like I am an invisible observer, in my music, navigating through the day.

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The Black Crowes singing for me

She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
After you meet her family

She paints her eyes as black as night now
Pulls those shades down tight
Yeah she gives a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make everything alright

Says she talks to angels
They call her out by her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels
Says they call her out by her name

She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes the hair is from a little boy
And the cross from someone she has not met
Not yet

Says she talks to angels
Says they all know her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels
Says they call her out by her name

She don't know no lover
None that I ever seen
And to her that ain't nothing
But to me it means, means everything

She paints her eyes as black as night now
She pulls those shades down tight
Oh yeah there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make everything alright
Alright yeah

She talks to angels
Says they call her out by her name
Oh yeah, yeah angels
Call her out by her name
Oh, oh, oh angels
They call her out by her name
Oh, she talks to angels
They call her out,
Yeah, yeah call her out
Don't you know that they call her out
By her name

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Jul. 3rd, 2012

“because wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

“I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible...”
― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

“I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.”
― Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye

You can survive anything as long as you see the light at the end, right?

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Desire...

Urges me on, but fear bridles me.
Sometimes I need one of my go to comfort movies 1. Bridget Jones' Diary 2. Love Actually or 3. Lost in Translation. Today, I'd like all three.

Liquid Diamonds

I hear she still grants forgivenesss
Although I willingly forgot her
The offering is molasses and you say
I guess I'm an underwater thing so I
Guess I can't take it personally
I guess I'm an underwater thing I'm
Liquid running
There's a sea secret in me
It's plain to see it is rising
But I must be flowing liquid diamonds
Calling for my soul
At the corners of the world
And if your friends don't come back to you
And you know this is madness
A lilac mess in your prom dress
And you say
I guess I'm and underwater thing
- Tori Amos

My life has a

Vacancy sign on it.

Facing it; down to the bone

Sometimes there is far too much but mostly there is never enough. Never
enough money, time, love or compassion. Not enough bone.
Mostly, the nice ones get the short end of the stick.The less than lucky end of the wishbone. Don't you just get a little bit irritated at that? Its really stuck in my craw lately. But I've been giving it too much energy.
And a lot of times when I take the "high road," my heart hurts (anyway) until it seems to become a droopy mass extending from my breast bone. So even though you were in the wrong and you crushed my dream, I was the brave one. I faced the truth you
left behind. Coward. Cleaning up your mess five months later. Fucking tool.
My foot is re-fractured. But the physical pain is better than then the intentional, tender and raw sore places, that cannot be bound or joined again.
In other news: three major charity projects and hopefully some hearts and homes are blessed by it.
No plans for the holiday. Apparently Santa really doesn't visit the naughty ones! But I truly wish everone peace and love through the holidays and upcoming year.
"You and I are on
the outside of everything..but we've got the same heart." Tohe Dears.